


Comfort in Music

by NekoAbi



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Lamp - Freeform, M/M, Soulmate AU, Where your soulmate can hear your music, implication of death, implication of slight self harm, mention of depression and insomnia, mentions of car crash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 17:09:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20429483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekoAbi/pseuds/NekoAbi
Summary: Virgil is having a very very bad day and uses music to cope. But, he underestimates just what would happen when they all heard it.





	Comfort in Music

**Author's Note:**

> This is another prompt fill from [The Squirtle Squad Writes](http://thesquirtlesquadwrites.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, which is a collection of myself, not-so-innocent-bi-sander and notalwaysthevillian and where we all write from the same prompt with very little discussion between ourselves.

Today had been pure hell for Virgil.

Firstly, he’d had an awful night’s sleep. His insomnia had hit hard the night before as well as this one, leaving him painfully awake at what he could only guess to be close to 6am. Not only that, but he’d been having a really bad down period with his depression and it was only adding to his mood, if he could even describe the lack of feeling as a ‘mood’ – one of his housemate’s would definitely say it counted. Eventually, he’d been granted some reprieve from it, but had then slept through his alarm, making him late for his 10am class. He’d had to walk in during a particularly quiet part of the class too, heaving breaths being awkwardly supressed as Virgil had ran all the way there.

“Nice of you to join us, Virgil.” His teacher had quipped jokingly. Several of the class had smirked, snorted or smiled in response, which had Virgil’s stomach dropping and his mind screeching. He’d taken his seat quickly and kept his head down for the entire lesson.

Then the teacher had thrown them a surprise quiz. Virgil was wholly unprepared for it and fought to control his anxiety. He was able to get through it. It was thankfully short and actually fairly easy.

Of course, the rule of three had to be completed. His English teacher just had to add that extra layer of insult to it all. Virgil had been called upon by the teacher, completely without warning. He had no time to prepare himself for it. He’d been unable to answer, instead just using a string of filler words and incomplete stutters. When his teacher had given him a look that just screamed disappointed and several other students glanced in his direction, Virgil felt like he might just break down into tears then and there with how bad he felt.

They were eventually let free. Virgil couldn’t decide whether being out first or lingering back to leave last would help him. He fretted about it for a moment but ended up just heading out in the pack of students as they all left. After getting out of the building, Virgil diverted away from the rest of his class and moved towards the opposite side of campus. He didn’t have another class for a couple of hours and knew he still had some assignments to work on, so he decided to attempt something akin to productivity in the campus library.

In the quiet building, Virgil realised that he just didn’t have the focus for anything remotely productive. He spent the two hours staring at the document, trying his hardest to read it and add to it in a meaningful way. All he ended up being able to do was add a couple hundred words, none of which he wasn’t happy with.

Then came his next class. With one of the worst surprises of the day.

“It is time for you all to split into groups to work on a short presentation about…” Virgil stopped listening after that. He knew practically no one in this class, everyone else seemed to have at least one friend in here and – to top it off – he was going to have to present something with these strangers?! His mind was racing once more. Then, he finally clocked back into the teacher’s instructions.

“So, these are the groups I’ve picked.” She clicked to the next slide to show all of their names grouped up.

Virgil almost succumbed to his panic right then and there. But, the rest of the lesson went by quickly. The group wasn’t so bad, they were just as awkward as him, and the presentations were thankfully short. He didn’t have to do much. By the time he left, Virgil was ready to grab a drink from the campus shop on his way out to the house.

The universe wasn’t done with him yet.

Just as Virgil got out of the building, his foot caught on the heel of his other and he went down onto the concrete. In front of all of his classmates. And the incoming students. And several faculty. And a visiting tour group. He hissed silently in pain as he stood up, thanking the couple of people who went to help him to his feet. His cheeks were burning with embarrassment. But then he tried to casually walk away.

A sharp sting of pain came from his knee and Virgil winced involuntarily. He moved to the side of the door, assuring everyone who asked him if he was okay that he was, and checked his knee. It was grazed and pretty badly too. It was bleeding a little, but it was nothing he hadn’t seen before.

“Fuck these jeans.” He muttered to himself, looking at the wound that was perfectly shaped to the hole in his jeans. After letting his body get accustomed to the pain, Virgil headed towards the shop. He prayed silently that any interaction he would have in there would go well, and it did. Except he was stopped multiple times before he got there by people asking if he was okay. Each time that question was asked, Virgil was closer and closer to losing it. Tears pricked the back of his eyes. This day could not get worse.

Then his drink practically exploded on him as he opened it.

Virgil thanked every deity he could that he was down away from campus and that no one was around. A couple of silent tears slid down his cheeks as everything that had been piling up all day was starting to weigh him down a little too much. He just wanted to go home, curl up in his blankets and sleep. Just sleep forever.

In order to do that, however, Virgil had to walk back to the house he shared with some other students. There was only one thing that was going to hold him together until he got there.

Virgil quickly pulled out his headphones, plugged them into his phone and scrolled to find his playlist. He’d always had this playlist, ever since he’d gotten this phone. It was what he needed for days like this, for days when everything in the world was too much and he just couldn’t handle it, for days when…

He tapped the playlist titled _‘When The Depression Hits’_ with a wry smile at the title. The volume was turned up to its loudest and Virgil let the music wash over him. The slow introduction of the song _‘Justified’_ had him breathing in deep and breathing out slow. Sure, it may be bad for him to listen to stuff like this so loud, but it was the only thing keeping him from breaking down right now. Ever so slowly, Virgil began his walk home.

Several songs passed by as he wandered the pavements he’d walked along so many times. All of them fit his mood so perfectly. Each one of them had at least some lyrics that resonated with his current state so fantastically, summed up everything he wanted to scream to the sky but he just couldn’t find the words for. Somehow, all of the loud guitar and piercing vocals calmed Virgil. It didn’t get rid of the voice screaming at him, it didn’t make him feel better about all the things that had happened. It just calmed him enough to keep him from crying openly.

He was just turning into the larger street that his veered off from when he paused at the edge of it to scroll for a particular song. When he found it, Virgil hesitated for a second.

_‘What if they can…_’ He thought to himself. Virgil physically shook his head to rid himself of the thought, _‘No, they can’t. It’s fine. Probably busy doing their own things…_’

Virgil hit play before another thought could cross his mind and stop him.

_“I’m wide awake and so alive. Ringing like a bell…”_

The song began and Virgil immediately felt a ball of tension in his stomach. He continued on his journey, speeding up a little.

He knew this was stupid. To listen to a song that hurt him a little, that gave him thoughts that he was ashamed to admit he thought. Virgil knew they’d all be disappointed in him for it, but this song was his emotional release.

When the chorus hit, Virgil couldn’t help but mouth the words alongside the singer.

_“I wanna feel a car crash._  
_ I wanna feel a capsize._  
_ I wanna feel a bomb drop, the earth stop, til I’m satisfied._  
_ I wanna feel a car crash._  
_ ‘Cause I’m dying on the inside._  
_I wanna let go and know that, I’ll be alright. Alright.”_

To Virgil, that was his emotional release. That was what he wanted to happen. He wanted all of those things. Just to know he could feel. That slight sting in his knee was reminding him that he was really a human, really alive. That he could feel things. That he wasn’t hollow and empty.

Virgil set the song to repeat itself continuously. He began singing quietly under his breath, each and every word piercing his soul and mind.

The view of the front door of his rented house had Virgil digging his phone out from his bag. He turned the music off and slid his headphones from their place over his ears. He dropped both of them into his bag while he dug around for his key.

It took a single step into the house for Virgil to be accosted by something just the tiniest bit shorter than himself. He’d not even been able to pull his key out of the lock.

After getting over the shock, Virgil looked down ever so slightly to see the soft brown hair of his housemate who’d buried his head against Virgil’s chest. “Uh, Patton? Could I… close the door?”

Patton pulled away with a soft pout and a concerned look in his furrowed eyebrows and large eyes behind even larger glasses. Virgil felt his every move being scrutinized. That wasn’t normally Patton’s thing. But it seemed to be just how today was going. Things that didn’t normally happen happening to Virgil just to make his day more and more uncomfortable and upsetting. His mind ran wild with assumptions and ideas that Virgil had somehow upset his usually smiley housemate.

However, all of that was dispersed once Virgil had shut the door and taken off his shoes – which had been rubbing at his heels too as their insides had been peeling off for months now, only adding to Virgil’s pain. Patton had immediately thrown himself back into Virgil, cuddling up close. Only then did Patton’s eyebrows return to their natural position and he relaxed.

Virgil was a little confused. He returned the hug and the two of them sat there on the stairs in the embrace for a moment. Virgil even closed his eyes, relaxing into the warmth of Patton’s hug.

All of his housemates had agreed that Patton’s arms and hugs had some kind of magical relaxing healing power – well, he and one other had agreed, their final housemate had then begun a lecture on the scientific benefits of physical comfort.

Speaking of, a familiar clearing of the throat had Virgil’s eyes snapping open to look up into yet more eyes behind glasses. He went to apologise, but the other cut him off.

“I think we are all expected upstairs, Patton.”

Patton immediately shot up, “Oh, Logan! Right! I forgot!” He then grasped Virgil’s arm and dragged him upstairs, the movement being a little difficult for the one being hauled along behind as he had to keep up with Patton’s fast pace.

Virgil followed his housemate through the hallway, expecting to be taken to Patton’s room. But, then they passed that door and went into Virgil’s.

The injured student was finally let go and he stood in the doorway for a moment, while Patton moved to take up a space on the end of his bed.

Virgil’s room had always had soft purple string lights surrounding his room and all of them were on currently, even though it was still light outside. The blinds had been pulled all the way down and candles had been lit, all of them sitting around his TV in a decorative manner. Speaking of, the TV in question was already showing a shot from his favourite movie, clearly having been paused where he last left it off. When Virgil looked back over to the bed, he noticed that it was absolutely covered in pillows and blankets and duvets and soft toys. Some of the blankets had even been pinned to the walls, creating a bit of a blanket fort vibe. One of the large plastic containers Virgil had used to move his stuff in was sat in between the edge of the bed and the chest of drawers where the TV sat, taking up most of that thin space. And, sat already in the corner, was his final housemate, who had a controller in his hand.

A gentle hand grasped his wrist and Virgil found himself being coaxed – by Patton – towards the bed. Virgil crawled up onto it a little clumsily, trying not to disturb the state of the pillows. Instinctively, his other housemate moved his arm, an obvious invitation for Virgil to rest himself against him, which he did cautiously. The raised arm came to rest around his back, holding Virgil securely with its strength.

Patton cuddled up on the other side of Virgil. He began to quietly ramble, dispersing the remaining silence in the room that wasn’t already gone by the whirring of Virgil’s game console that was whirring away below the TV, as the movie was rewinded back the beginning, “Isn’t this so cool? Roman came up with this and set it all up, saying we could all use a hangout night. I could only help by carrying all the blankets and pillows in so Ro could set them all up perfectly like this. We all know I’m terrible at all this careful stuff, so I turned on the lights and left to help Lo!”

Virgil shot a quick glance up at Roman, who had a very small prideful smile on his lips at Patton’s praise. He could see that Roman was seemingly biting at the inside of his mouth, a small thing he did to keep himself from talking when it was necessary. Virgil was about to call him out on it, but Patton continued.

“Oh, and Logan did _all_ of the snacks! He thought about what we had, what we didn’t, what each of us likes! Then he went out and got all the stuff we needed and the drinks too! I helped carry them back, though. There’s so much and it’s all so good!”

Just then, Virgil noticed that Logan had slipped silently into the room and was placing down bowls of snacks. In opposition to Roman’s smile, Logan’s cheeks had flushed a soft pink at Patton’s kind words.

“And I suggested watching movies! I thought it would be nice, we haven’t done it in a while! We all picked a movie each and we decided to have your favourite one to start, because you weren’t able to be here to pick because of classes. I hope that’s okay, Virgil!”

Virgil had long since given up holding tears back. He buried his face in Roman’s chest to avoid showing that tears were rolling down his cheeks. Thankfully, none of them said anything about it. The only acknowledgement they gave were physical ones. Roman’s arm tightened for a moment, and Patton squeezed him tighter too; simple actions that let Virgil know they cared. Logan, after placing their respective cups and drinks down and taking a seat on the bed himself, reached past Patton and grabbed a hold of Virgil’s hand gently.

Roman started the movie and placed the controller down, freeing up a hand that was quickly grabbed by Patton. Virgil was surrounded by arms and warmth and love, and it broke him. He sobbed silently, his body quivering and shaking as he tried to not let out a sound.

He knew they’d have heard it when he was walking home. They were his soulmates after all. Of course, they’d hear his music. That was how it worked. It was how they’d all found each other in the first place.

Roman listening to the same section of a song from the musical he’d been cast in to get the lyrics down had led all three of them to seeing said musical and approaching Roman at the end of the show. Though, of course, life wasn’t going to be so easy on them all, and they just had to go and see it on different nights, confusing Roman. It was so unlikely to have multiple soulmates, yet it seemed like he did have them. He’d never met any of the three who’d approached him, so it was highly unlikely they would be playing a prank on him… He had a lot to think about.

Patton listened to children singing nursery rhymes frequently due to his volunteering at the university’s child care centre. This had Virgil passing by with the hopes he could maybe get an idea of who it could be. When he saw Logan, Roman and Patton exiting one day, all smiling in their own ways, Virgil had written it off and barely thought about it. He didn’t even consider that the three of them were soulmates, let alone _his_. But the three of them had found each other.

And then the trio had needed a fourth person to live in their house with them. They put out a call on the university facebook page and – by some miracle of self-confidence – Virgil had answered. Things had been easy going for the first few weeks; Virgil found out that the three of them were soulmates and he was the odd one out, nothing really new there for him. But then, the oddest thing happened when Virgil skipped out on watching a movie. He’d decided to try and drown out the sound of his housemates bonding with his own music. And then Roman had burst through his door and picked Virgil from his chair into a spinning, spine-crushing hug.

It took some explanation and several assurances that they were not confused nor playing a cruel and unusual joke on him, but Virgil had – eventually - accepted that he’d been rooming with his soulmates this whole time. And everything fell into place. Things became easier, calmer, nicer.

Virgil had opened up to them a little. He explained to them that he was sorry about the almost constant music from him but that it was a form of comfort, that he had playlists and songs for almost every mood. He’d shown them, and played, his entire depression playlist one day.

Back in the present, Virgil let out a snort of a laugh as he remembered that. Once again, his soulmates didn’t acknowledge it, knowing that if they did, it would only make things worse. They all knew to wait for Virgil to open up to them about it, if he ever wanted to. Virgil moved his face from Roman’s chest, turning so he could see the screen. He used his free hand to wipe away from of the tears before he relaxed fully. He was already feeling far better. It wasn’t a cure-all, everything wasn’t magically fine, but it was better and that was all Virgil could ask for.


End file.
